Abuse is a word which is yet to find its footing in the African society.

Abuse is also most of the times perpetrated by those who are expected to protect you from the bad guys, people who are supposed to bear the burden of protecting your innocence.

Research has proven that one in every five abused persons were abused by their own personal knight in shining Amour.

A father who is supposed to shield you from the world rapes you repeatedly and even causes you to lose your womb in the process.

An elder sister who should teach you how to open up and be a man who knows how to care for the opposite gender forces you to do unprintable things with her and to her.

Your older sibling who shares the same gender as you forces you to do things you never thought were possible and introduces you to another kind of sexual orientation you never even knew existed.

All these people have one thing in Common; They were betrayed by their Knight Shining Amour.

Research has also shown that Most people currently suffering from commitment phobia have in one time or another in the past been abused by someone they trusted concequently, they try not to let others in so they can avoid putting themselves in such situations again.

Some others go through life bearing unnecessary guilt burdens, blaming themselves for someone’s lack of respect for boundaries and institutions.

These Abuse Victims all have one thing in common Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).This is common with people who are going  through or have gone through emotional traumas.Their scars are mental and emotional rather than Physical.This has a way of affecting their social and emotional lives.

These are the people I’m addressing this article to.

Dear Abuse Victim, it’s irrelevant if you went around the house naked or if you were over trusting, or if you watched either of your parents abused by the other, or you were innocent or whatever, I just want you to know it’s not your fault that any of that happened and there is no way you could have stopped it from happening.

Stop going around with that burden.

Feel free to open your heart to love.Love from friends and even others who want more than friendship.

I know that every time you close your eyes, all you can hear is their voice and all the terrible threats they used on you to shut you up.

I know you have refused to move past this point because you find it hard to believe that your mum kept mute to save her already crumbled marriage.

I know that you have ruled out all forms of contact with women because you couldn’t believe your trusted aunty made you feel things you were not supposed to feel at that age.

Yes, I know that your innocence was practically ripped from you without your permission and you still have nightmares.

I also know that you have become something you didn’t dream of just because you needed some form of closure,

Yes, you were betrayed by your knight in shining armour who put you in hell rather than protect you from it,

Regardless, You can still make much out of your life if you choose too.

There is still an opportunity to turn away from all that hurt and focus on mending and rebuilding your life.Believe it or not, your life is solely your responsibility and how you turn out is no one’s fault but yours.

Even though you are traumatised and you still suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), you can still make something beautiful out of that mess you call your life at this moment.

Here are a Few things I think you can do.

DELIBERATELY FORGIVE THE PERPETRATOR OF THIS HAVOC. Forgiving them is not doing them a favour but actually helping you move on. Forgiving them is the first step in the right direction.Holding all that bitterness, anger and resentment will only draw you back on the journey of recovery.

MAKE CONSCIOUS EFFORTS TOWARDS RECOVERY.Deliberately talk about your experience.Get an accountability Partner, someone who is willing to walk this path with you.Call them whenever you begin to feel suffocated, bitter or angry.Let they help you overcome those emotions and heal so that you don’t hurt the genuine people that actually come in to really love you

GET HELP! In this part of the world, People don’t believe in Psychiatrists and therapists but if you are in that part of the world where people actually go to these professionals for help, PLEASE DO. If you are in our part of the world, reach out to counsellors and mental illness specialists on social media. Please note that though it is difficult to accept, what you are currently going through is a battle of the mind. Be Open to people who can actally help you without putting your problems on public display. If you find it difficult to locate such people,you can talk to me on +2348099998430.You can call,text or whatsapp. I will try all i can to help you through that process.

FINALLY,LET SOMEONE IN. There are genuine human beings out there who are ready to love you entirely, flaws and all.Until you let people in, you will miss out on opportunities to meet such people.However, while you are trying to be careful and all ,Remeber you have to actually open your eyes to see, so you don’t  miss out on the privilege to choose between the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Be Careful, but Don’t Lock up!

Everyone who is reading this and is abusing someone under your care, I want you to know that it’s irrelevant that someone else who was meant to be your Knight in Shining Armour betrayed you or not.

WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG ON ALL FRONTS. DESIST IMMEDIATELY!

Take a moment to think about what your life would have been if you didn’t go through what you went through and honestly ask yourself if continuing that vicious cycle is the best.              

I know what it means to be abused by someone you didn’t expect and i’m telling you the feeling of desecration is not something you forget in a hurry.However, if I could make good with my life you can too. All you have to do is try.

If you need to talk to me, the number is 08099998430. I’m seriously rooting for you and hoping you come out of this and actually enjoy your life.

Always remember that I’m here for you.

Ujay.

SHARING IS CARING
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Uju is a writer, freelance blogger and content developer. She is passionate about helping you become the best you can be. She also loves to write, sing, hang out and meditate. If you need to talk or know someone who needs a listening ear, have them reach out to me on uju@realitieswithuj.com. I am also open to content development and freelance writing opputunities. Join me on Facebook at Nwokedi Chinny Uju.

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