Losing someone you care about is almost like the apocalypse.
You seem to be living this terrible dream and you just won’t wake up. You feel this intense pain that is indescribable. You have no precise spot from which this pain emanates yet you feel like your heart is being literally pulled out of your chest. That’s why I call it indescribable.
Losing my husband was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. It still feels like a dream I will wake up from soon. The harsh reality stares at me every day when the girls ask me when their daddy is coming home, when I have to pay bills we used to split, when I see his pictures around our home, when I see his car in the driveway, especially when I wake up to my empty bed. I could go on and on.
I still miss him.
I wish I knew that was the last time I was going to kiss him or we were going to ravish each other. I was busy, making stupid jokes about his birthmark when I should have been saving some for the long lonely path ahead of me.
It still feel like yesterday, I had dropped him off at the airport for that doomed trip to Alaska.
Have a safe trip darling, I said as I hugged him closely.
It’s not like it’s the first time he was going to be away for a long time, I just had a weird feeling about this trip. It felt like he was going somewhere, where it would be impossible to reach him.
Make sure you call me the minute, you step into your hotel room, I said still clinging to him.
Babe, he said to me. What’s going on? Are you going to tell me what the problem is?
I have never seen you this clingy, I am used to the Fierce Sasha Ibukun, always strong and independent, who almost never lets me see how vulnerable she is. I am just going to be away for a couple of days, take care of yourself and our girls, all right?
I just nodded in agreement, too emotional to utter a word. He kissed me and then he went towards the departure lounge.
That was the last time I ever saw my husband alive.
Have you ever had to regret that you took a particular call?
This call changed my life forever.
I went from Wife to Widow in a split second. I kept going over our last conversation in my head, how could this have happened?
What do I tell my girls?
How do I explain to them that their dad was never coming home again, that he was gone forever, that I was the only parent they had left?
How do I explain to them when I can’t even explain it to myself?
Who knew forever meant five years?
I was just beginning to embrace me in my wife costume.
I was just fitting into the mummy costume and getting used to having little humans consume all my time and energy.
Where do I go from here?
He has already spoilt me silly.
I can’t even remember what my life was before him.
This was the darkest time of my life.
Dealing with the pain that stems from losing a loved one is enough to alter the whole course of your life, but am grateful for all the lessons i learnt even though I’m still trying to find my footing.
I’m not going to say I survived because I was able to forget the love of my life ( that’s never going to happen), or because I had a strong support system,(I actually did) but I survived because I reminded myself constantly of my reality and put in all my will-power to prove to myself and the whole world that I could be strong.After all, he called me Sasha Fierce.
There were lots of down days when I‘d just lie in bed and cry my eyes out.On such days, I wouldn’t even come out of bed to take care of my girls.I’s just lay there and cry and cry and cry. Then one day turned to two and then three and then a week.
I was a mess.
On one of such days, I just said to myself, Ib, I know you are hurting, but you need to get your act together and be a mother to your children who just lost a parent.
And that was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. I took it each day as it came and then recorded the victories as they came.
Here are a few tips, I hope you learn something from me.
First of all, Decide to be HAPPY!
I decided I was going to be happy. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that. So every time I catch myself, drifting into that world again, I’d just say to me, Ib common, be happy.
Secondly, discover or re-discover yourself.
I embarked on another journey of self-rediscovery. I had grown in so many ways. I had gone from single lady to wife to widow and single mother. I needed to rediscover me and give some flesh to the new me. I found new hobbies and invested in them, I did a lot of freelancing, I made friends and I raised my girls.
I started speaking to all who cared to listen about the greatest tragedy of my life, I found out that the more I talked about it the less I thought about it and the more I got on with my life.
I found a purpose, for my life. Aside from being a mum and a working woman what else could I do to give back to the society? How do I make the world a better place? On those days when I’d wake up and see his side empty, it was these causes that made me jump out of bed. I knew lots of people depended on me.
Finally, build a support structure.
I built a support structure around my kids, my family, friends my dependents and as many as I could find. I got an accountability partner, someone I talk to every time I felt like the world was about to end. You can get a psychologist or join a grief group if that will make you feel better.it might work for you.
I have been there so I can relate. It’s not easy to say move on, but if you take it one step a time, you will definitely make it to Happyville. No one is asking you to forget the love of your life; we are all just asking you to live.
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I am here for you!
This story is purely fictional.I have never been married and I haven’t lost a spouse.This is purely the work of a creative mind who really wants to connect with you and let you know that you are not alone.
If you are going through something similar and you need to talk, please call text,WhatsApp.
The number is 08099998430. I am always here for you.