As I continued the lonely path I thought of what Thaddeus had said to me that morning. In fact I left the house to get away from him and his abusive words. He called me a whore, I don’t blame him, and he is not far from the truth at all. I had been with 5 men before I met him.
Femi, David, Pete, Benjamin and David. Each of them took something from me when they left me and as I moved from man to man I grew shorter and smaller. I eventually lost my self-esteem and my sense of belonging. I thought being with this people will give some form of recognition or satisfaction or the sense of belonging that it thirst for. Rather I lost more each time.
Femi, beat the living daylight out of me, the scar on my neck is a constant reminder of how I almost died the night I ran away from him. One would think that I would correct my mistake when I met the next person but I didn’t. I feel this same thirst over and over and over again.
I still thought that one of them will save me from this yearning, this void, and this emptiness. What would I do just to belong to someone and have someone belong to me too? I wish I had some kids, at least a baby would satisfy me to an extent. Imagine him calling me names, he just echoed what the entire village would think of me at this instant.
Aha! Now I see why I am avoided like I got leprosy.
I see, they all think am good for nothing right?
I understand why the insults and isolation are on the increase, none of the women will go to the mill or the well with me.
What kind of life am I living?
I think that I will consider jumping in to the well once I get there. But that will be wicked of me because this is the only source of water for our entire community. It’s been here for many generations before us so that wouldn’t be a good idea, I have to come up with something else. I had almost arrived my destination when I saw him. I just caught a glimpse of him.
I began to draw forever conclusions in my head, even if he didn’t see me, I’d make him. Who knows?
This could be it!
I doubled my steps in excitement.
To be continued