Recovering From A Bad Break-up


Breaking up sucks. Regardless of if it’s mutual, one-sided, peaceful sudden and unexpected,or is even  accompanied by trauma— it just sucks.

Romantic breakups are among the most common, yet somehow underrated, traumatic events in our lives. Perhaps because breakups are so universal, most people discuss them openly with each other and are sympathetic. On the other hand, precisely because of the frequency of breakups, people can minimize how deeply hurtful and damaging a breakup really can be for an individual

The pain is excruciating,debilitating and inexplainable. Our first human instinct is to run from it, move on, distract ourselves from feeling the wave of emotions that consume our hearts and destroy the daily lives we once knew.

This is because romantic relationships bring out intense emotions that often override logic or explanation. They  are usually tied to deep-seated feelings about our own worthiness from childhood, our parental and peer relationships, and more.

Most times, when a relationship ends, even on relatively good terms, there is still an emotional reckoning taking place. The end of something we may have hoped would be continuous is not welcomed or appreciated.

After a breakup, there is still an intense feeling of rejection, which  is a tough blow for anyone’s ego. When a breakup is unexpected or sudden, the rejection can be even more intense or traumatic. The  effects at this point are endless. There is the self-esteem issues (rejection sometimes shaves of a few points from ones self esteem), the beginning of a new chapter, the betrayal from a loved one and the hurt and loneliness that comes with rejoining the cue for single people.

Regardless of how tough or bleak the  post-breakup season is,it’s not the end of the road.

Here are a few things you can do to get back on your life’s saddle. You don’t have to let your life pass you by because someone decided their role in your life is over.

Get Closure.

So many people preach the wrong kind of closure; self destruction, one night stand,rebound sex etc. That’s the wrong kind of closure. The best thing to get closure is to identify what is missing now that you are not in that particular relationship and find ways to slowly rebuild your life.

rebuilding your life is solely your responsibility.

Realize that you are not necessarily the reason for the breakup.

In cases where you left your partner because of infidelity,refuse to blame your self for your ex-partners lack of morals and sense of responsibility.No matter how much they try to blame you for their shortfalls and insensitivity,refuse to buy whatever they are selling.

Don’t sell yourself short to pay for someones’s moral failures.

Give yourself some time to grieve. 

Recognize that  a breakup is a form of loss and give yourself time to grieve. Don’t just glide over the loss and ignore the pain by hanging on to the bottle.

Intentionally take steps towards your healing.

Have you  seen a drowning man before? One distinct thing to notice about a drowning man is he will drag you down with them when you try to help.This is what you’ll do, if you  do not heal properly and get into another relationship. Be intentional about your healing process. See a counsellor if you need to, talk to friends,change your geographical location or see a therapist. Just heal so you don’t mess up the next person who comes in to your life.

Don’t have rebound sex or jump on the next rebound train.

I understand being alone sucks especially after you are used to being with a significant other and sharing your life with them.Regardless, hurting someone else because you are hurting is not the humaine thing to do.take time to heal before you let someone else in.

Free yourself from negativity 

Don’t talk down on your ex or form i hate my ex conferences and conventions.As difficult as it might seem,forgive your ex so you can move on with your life.Forgiveness will actually lift a very heavy burden from your shoulders and give you the freedom  you need to actually move on.

Avoid destructive habits.

Take time to practice self-love and avoid destructive activities that will worsen how you feel. Self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-compassion will bring an end to your confusion.  Identifying your patterns, your triggers, and your reactions helps you feel more in control. This too will pass.

I know its hard.But if you need to talk, you can call,text or whatsapp   08099998430.

I’m here for you.



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